


The Secrets I Hide From You

by daisydeobi



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Violence, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Idol AU - but they're a duo, M/M, Murder, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:41:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27685729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydeobi/pseuds/daisydeobi
Summary: Ji Changmin is content with his life as is. It could be better, sure, but it's not so bad all the time. He loves being able to perform on stage in front of thousands of fans cheering his name and he's even happier that he gets to share such moments with Chanhee beside him. But despite all of this, Changmin is tired. He's so unbearably tired of the false rumors, overbearing fans, and the impossibly high pedestal that he sits on as an idol.  Finally, he's had enough.When his happiness is threatened, just how far is he willing to go to keep it safe?
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Ji Changmin | Q
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	1. I Want You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and it probably sucks but I hope you guys like it!   
> It's gonna be pretty slow on updates since I'm just getting back into writing but I'll try my best if you guys enjoy it.

Changmin sat leisurely in the train seat, legs relaxed as they rested outstretched in front of him. The train hummed lowly, the quiet sound rather peaceful as it continued its smooth drive into the bustling city of Seoul. The sun’s rays were just beginning to peek through the clouds and brighten up the morning sky, slowly inching their way across the city. The rays danced across his golden skin, warming him slightly. The air outside was cool as spring was only in its beginning, the leaves and flowers still small buds waiting to bloom. He opened his eyes slowly, vision still blurry as he tried to adjust to the morning light. A sweet melody played quietly in his earbuds, a song he wasn’t too familiar with that fit the slow morning atmosphere. Changmin stretched a bit, a few bones popping here and there as he forced his body to wake. It was too early for this.

He scratched his head, brown locks mussed from his careless sleeping position, and fumbled around in his seat in search of a water bottle to quench his dry mouth. He had sworn he had brought one with him. After a bit of fumbling, he pulled the drink from underneath him, the plastic bottle hitting the ground much to his dismay. Changmin reached for the bottle before it could slide away down the aisle and caught the eyes of the passenger across from him. Their gazes connected for a split second before he quickly turned away back into his seat, water bottle clutched against his chest. This wasn’t happening right now. This couldn’t be happening right now. Changmin squeezed the bottle as he tried to steady his breathing. His heart was pounding in his chest, the sound almost deafening as adrenaline pumped through him at full speed. 

Changmin glanced at the girl across the aisle, trying his best to be subtle in his movements. Her eyes bore into him, filled with an intensity that caused his stomach to churn. Black hair caressed her thin face, her dark cat-like eyes and full lips that turned up at the corners of her mouth complementing each other in the best ways. She was young and quite beautiful. From far away at least. Behind her pretty face was a dark and twisted mind. One that Changmin was all too familiar with. Her eyes were full of pure, unadulterated desire. They had met far too many times to not understand the look on her face. She desired to own him and everything he was, and she made her desire known to everyone and anyone who would stand in her way. A twisted obsession that he was hers, and no one else’s.

Kim Siyeon had been following him far too well for far too long. Sneaking into hotel rooms, hacking social media accounts, bombarding him at the airport, and an entire list of acts that he couldn’t even begin to name. Acts of obsession that he tried to push to the back of his mind and forget about, suddenly flooding his head. She had done it all. She was _willing_ to do it all. She would follow him day and night and probably to Hell and back if she could. And now, as they sat across from each other, eyes locked and the air around them so tense it was suffocating, he knew that she had even followed him home; Changmin’s one escape from his hectic idol life. The one place he could turn to for peace and quiet, home to his family and everything he cherished from his childhood. She had gone as far to even taint the little oasis he had tried to block from the world. 

But that’s what she did. She continued to take bits and pieces of him little by little and claim them as her own. Everything he knew about himself he felt she knew as well. Was any aspect of his life a secret? Was there anything that only he knew about himself? It scared him and infuriated him at the same time. He felt as if his own life was no longer his. 

The train slowed as it neared Seoul Station, the sun’s light no longer blocked by the morning haze. Lush greenery surrounded the station, its beauty marred by electric poles and wires extending indefinitely from the metropolis. Changmin gathered his belongings calmly and turned his music off as he placed his earbuds into his bag. He slung his black duffle bag over his shoulder and made his way to the closest exit door, avoiding any and all contact with Kim Siyeon. On-coming passengers could be seen outside the train as it dragged into the station, their faces blank so early in the morning. Changmin stood next to an older gentleman near the rear exit, the rail beside him holding him steady. He tried to glance back at his seat, turning his head expecting to see the girl eyeing him from behind. One quick look back and he faced the door once more. She was gone. 

Changmin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, a shaky exhale escaping his lips, as he willed his heart rate to slow down. His hair stood on edge, goosebumps ghosting across his skin, and nausea all too overwhelming all at once. He balled his fists tightly, the knuckles turning white and numbness pricking at his fingers. The train's announcements sounded overhead as other passengers stood up and gathered their belongings.

_Come on…_

He tapped his foot impatiently against the train’s grey floor. His eyes flitted back and forth, his hands slowly beginning to warm and sweat.

“Attention passengers, we have now arrived at Seoul Station. Please gather your belongings and calmly exit-” 

_Open the doors…_

“Thank you for riding-”

_Hurry...please…_

“Changmin Oppa.”

_Damn it._

As soon as the doors opened Changmin bolted out. He squeezed between the automatic doors and the crowd of on-coming passengers as tried to be respectful in his haste. He licked his lips, his tongue dragging over the dry skin. Changmin had agreed to meet his manager at the station’s main entrance and hoped that the man was waiting for him there. The entrance wasn’t far away if he walked quickly, the archway visible from where he stood by the drop-off. With his destination in sight, he quickened his pace, the faint sound of hurried steps following behind him. He didn’t want to run. He really didn’t want to cause a scene out in public. He preferred to keep himself hidden. It definitely made his life easier if he went unnoticed. 

But she didn’t care. She never did and never would. She chased him at full speed, pushing through everyone in her way. Her keys jingled against her bag as she raced towards him, the sound echoing through the building. The sound rang loud and clear in Changmin’s ears, his anxiety spiking once more. He continued forward, trying to keep his pace as calm and steady as possible. He tried not to look back, too afraid to see the person following after him. He never had to look to know who it was. Every fiber in his body knew it was her. It was always her.

“Yah! Watch where you’re going!” A woman’s voice exclaimed behind him, annoyance dripping with every word. He stood around the station's grand foyer, eyes desperately searching for any sign of his manager. He was breathless, panting like a dog on a hot summer’s day. His head was pounding, seeming to spin at an impossible speed, too many thoughts racing through his head to make any sense. He was sick of this but more than anything he was sick of her. Why wouldn’t she just leave him alone? Why couldn’t she leave him alone? He stopped, back at the center of the station’s entrance. Still no manager in sight. He gripped hold of his bag strap, tightening it against his shoulder, blunt nails digging into the material. He waited for the impact as her footsteps neared.

They collided a lot harder than he had initially expected. Her body colliding with his pushed him forward a few steps. Anger and annoyance crept at the back of his mind. Changmin took a deep breath and fisted his hands, the pressure almost painful. He closed his eyes, preparing himself for the confrontation, and turned to face the woman.

“Ji Changmin…” Siyeon gasped. “Oppa-” 

They locked gazes once more, the air around them still just as intense as on the train moments before. Her eyes were blown wide in awe, her lips slightly agape as she panted.

“Why?” He ran his free hand through his hair, trying to keep his voice steady. Changmin looked down at her, searching her eyes for anything to keep his anger at bay. There were no signs of sympathy or regrets in her eyes. They glistened under the fluorescent lights, seeming to twinkle as she stared up at him lovingly. Her eyes were lit up like a child on Christmas morning, overjoyed with numerous gifts surrounding the tree. All with her name on them. 

“Why do you do this to me? What do you want from me?” He tried to keep his voice low but his nerves were getting the best of him. Irritation and rage began to creep up at an alarming rate. His stress and anxiety were piling up as well and about to burst. 

_Control yourself, Ji Changmin._

“Oppa-”

“Why can’t you leave me alone?” He gritted his teeth to the point he could feel pain in his jaw. This needed to end now.

“Oppa, it’s me…” She looked at him as if she were in love. She closed the space between them, bringing her hand up to caress Changmin’s face. Her slender fingers were ice cold against his skin. “Kim Siyeon. Don’t you remember me?”

_How could I forget you? You crazy bit-_

“I don’t care who you are!” He yelled, words firm. He couldn’t help himself as his voice raised, earning him a few looks from people passing by. Changmin grabbed a hold of her wrist and squeezed tightly. His fingers turned white, mirroring her fair skin. Her wrists felt so slim in his hand, if he squeezed a little more it would probably snap. He applied a little more pressure, his body trembling slightly as adrenaline continued to pump through him, his mind in a haze. “Stay away from me.” His voice laced with hatred.

“What are you talking about Oppa? I love you,” There was a hint of desperation in her voice. She acted as if they were simply in a lovers quarrel and not complete strangers. “I would do anything for you. Everything I _do_ is for you. Can’t you see how much I love you? I know everything about you. Your favorite color is blue, you love art, you’re the best dancer of this era, and you love horror movies. I know your sisters-” 

_Enough._

“Stop it!” That was the last straw. Stalk him, threaten him, kill him, hell he didn’t care anymore. But she wasn’t going to involve his family. He wasn’t going to let her drag them into this. His grip on her wrist grew tighter and panic flashed across her face briefly, her body instinctively pulling away.

“You’re hurting me Oppa!” She pulled against him which earned them a few more stares, though most continued to mind their business. 

“Stay away from my family! Never mention them again. Do you understand me?” His words were firm and harsh. “Leave me alone and stay away from me. I’m sick of this and sick of you! I don’t ever want to see your face again. Not around me,” He released her wrist roughly, causing her to stumble. “Not around my family,” Changmin stepped closer to Siyeon, their faces only centimeters apart. He whispered against her lips, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear. “And not around Chanhee. Understand?”

“Or what?” She questioned. A condescending smirk graced her face. This was nothing more than a game to her and any interaction with him was her prize.

Changmin’s mind went blank. All rational thoughts long gone. He pulled her close, his lips ghosting across the shell of her ear. “I’ll kill you.” 

Her body stiffened against his, all confidence lost with his words. 

“Kim Siyeon, get away from him!” The manager's voice rang loud and clear above the busy station. 

Changmin stepped back from the girl, face blank and unchanging. She refused to meet his eyes, her voice suddenly lost in her throat. Changmin felt a firm grip on his shoulder and looked over to the figure standing beside him. His manager stood beside him, brows furrowed and lips in a thin line. Relief washed over him, the tension in his body easing up a little. The man put space between the two, firmly pushing on Siyeon’s shoulder to gain some distance. Footsteps approached from the sides, hurried and with force, the low sound of heavy boots hitting the floor. 

“Hyung…” Changmin’s voice was barely above a whisper. The adrenaline was fading and he felt like crashing then and there. His body felt numb, his manager’s grip feeling more like a gentle touch.

“This is the girl over here,” The manager pointed to the girl in question. “She’s been disrupting us for quite some time, sir. This isn’t the first time she’s disrupted his schedule. Can you please deal with her?” 

“Excuse me, Miss, I need you to take a few steps back.” The security guards' words were firm yet held no real punch to them. The demand sounded more like something the girl should consider then follow. 

“Hyung, thank you.” Changmin was still out of it, his mind and body not completely there. He had wanted to say more but the words couldn't be formed. 

_Hyung, thank you for showing up. I feel like I’m going crazy because of her. I can’t do this anymore. I feel like I’m dying…_

“Are you okay, Changmin-ah?” The man looked him all over, eyes flitting back and forth, concern written on his face. “Are you hurt anywhere? Did she hurt you?”

“Get off of me, you bastards!” Siyeon pushed on the guards in front of her, fighting to get free from their grip.

“Yah, Kim Siyeon,” The manager’s voice was monotone. He looked over to the thrashing girl, her movement coming to a standstill as she faced the man. “If you ever approach the members again, under any circumstance, the company will take action against you. This is getting out of hand and you need to stop before you make any more mistakes. This is harassment and you will be charged for such.”

“Now everyone let’s calm down,” One of the guards stood between the two parties, hands outstretched in an attempt to keep them apart and prevent any altercations. “We can be civil about this. There’s no need for threats sir. “ 

“Are you being serious right now?” The manager did little to hide his annoyance. He stood, hands on his hips and eyes blown wide, frustrated with the situation in front of him. Changmin stood by silently, a hand rubbing gently at his temple. His head was taken over by a dull pounding sensation, leaving him too exhausted to have any decent input in their conversation. With every minute that passed, he could feel the headache growing stronger and stronger.

“Miss, let’s go and talk over there,” The second guard motioned to a seated area against the far right wall. “You don’t want to cause another scene, do you? Let’s just talk, alright?” Siyeon huffed, rolling her eyes but eventually giving in to the security guard's words. 

Once Changmin and his manager were left alone, the older male turned back to the younger, shaking Changmin’s shoulders gently. 

“You didn’t answer me earlier. Are you okay? Are you sure you aren’t hurt anywhere?” Worry filled his voice as he eyed the boy once more. Changmin nodded slowly and gave the man a small smile. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry Hyung,” He sighed. “Just a little tired is all. I’ll be okay once I get back to the dorm.” 

“Are you sure?”

Changmin nodded reassuringly. At this point, he just wanted to get to the dorm and pass out. The faint image of his bed with dark sheets and cozy pillows, almost enough to put him to sleep right there. The manager stared at him for a moment, his eyes lost in thought. 

“I don’t believe you. We’re going to the hospital to make sure you’re okay. Just to be safe.” The man grabbed Changmin’s hand, turning the boy as he headed towards the exit. 

“Aah Hyung~” Changmin whined, pulling his hand away from the other. “I’m okay, I swear. I just need to take a quick nap and I’ll be all good. Can’t we just go to the dorm?” The boy tried his best to be cute, bringing out his fake puppy dog eyes and all. It always seemed to work for Chanhee so why wouldn’t it work for him? 

“Stop that-” He was interrupted by a high pitched ding. The man pulled out his phone and looked down at the new notification as the two continued their way towards the exit. Suddenly the man stopped, cursing under his breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply. “Shit...we’re late.”

“Hmm?” Changmin blinked slowly, lids heavy against his eyes. His manager looked at him and suddenly the realization hit him. 

_This was the whole reason I was even up this early! You’ve got to be kidding me!_

“For now, I’ll just take you back to the dorm. We’ll figure out more later. Don’t stress about it.” The man smiled and patted the younger’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…” Changmin let the words trail off. 

“It’s not your fault.” His manager ruffled his hair, easing into the natural, playful banter the two usually shared.

____________

“Yah! You’re late!” The voice was loud but lacked any anger or annoyance, more whiny than anything. The owner of said voice sat on the sofa, legs pulled close with his hands resting on the pillow in his lap. Even after having spoken, his eyes remained glued to his phone screen, light pink hair covering his forehead. His full lips stuck out in a pout, brows furrowed in concentration, seemingly too focused on his game to look up. Changmin slipped his sneakers off in the doorway and haphazardly threw his duffle bag to the side. His body ached all over, tension tight in his shoulders, and his pounding headache now more like a migraine. He dragged his feet along the hardwood and over to the boy on the sofa.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He sighed, his voice sounding more exhausted than he intended. He pouted as he looked down at his roommate, a hint of mischief in his tired eyes. Changmin shuffled over to the boy, throwing himself lazily across his lap, knocking the phone from his hands. 

“Yah-” The boy looked down in disbelief, a bit of annoyance dripping from his voice this time around. Changmin tried to hide the smirk that tugged at his lips. “What are you doing?” 

“Sleeping.” Changmin threw his arm over his eyes as he adjusted himself, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfy position.

“Ji Changmin.” The voice was stern but not intimidating. Not even the slightest. 

“Choi Chanhee,” Chanhee glared down at the boy lying on him. He was annoyed but made no effort to remove the nuisance from his lap. The two sat in pleasant silence for a brief moment, the quiet sound of breathing the only noise in the apartment. Changmin removed his arm to stare up at the boy. Chanhee’s face was worn with concern as he looked down at his friend, eyes searching for something but Changmin was unsure of what. “You’ll get bad wrinkles if you keep frowning like that.” Changmin stated, hoping this would get Chanhee to ease up a little on the staring.

“Are you alright?” His voice was hushed. The frown marred his pretty face, spoiling his beautiful features.

“Yeah.” 

_Stop looking at me like that. Stop worrying about me like that._

“Why were you late then?” Chanhee adjusted his legs but never broke eye contact. He was hell-bent on getting an answer it seemed, and Chanhee always got what he wanted. 

_They didn’t tell you? I guess they didn’t really have a reason to. I don’t want to drag you into her messy game anyway._

Changmin pulled his gaze away from the older boy to stare at the ceiling, sighing as he tried to let his body relax, wishing he would just melt into the boy. “I had a run-in with that woman again.” He closed his eyes and tried not to let his mind go back to the train station. 

“Again?” Chanhee blurted, his sudden shout startling them both. 

“It’s okay. I handled it.” He smiled, hoping it looked more genuine than it felt. 

_It’s not okay Chanhee. I’m not okay. Nothing that happened today was okay. I was so scared and angry and I hated it. She had all the control and there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was stand there and let it happen. Why did I let everyone else speak while I just stood there, standing like an Idiot? Like a coward. Why Chanhee...? Why did I do that?_

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it.” Changmin squeezed his eyes together tighter, trying to keep his body composed.

_Why...? Why am I like this?_

“Sorry…” Chanhee sighed and his frown eased away, replaced by gentler eyes. Changmin grabbed a hold of the fuzzy pillow from underneath his head and turned on his side, snuggling closer to Chanhee. The faint smell of cologne, though musky, was comforting in the strangest way. Chanhee gently placed his fingers in Changmin’s hair, caressing him as he began to pet the soft locks. The two of them stayed that way for a while, Chanhee petting Changmin’s hair, slowly lulling him to sleep as the stress from the morning gradually washed away. Chanhee’s fingers ghosted across Changmin’s cheek, the sensation barely noticeable. His delicate fingers were comforting, soft, and warm against the younger’s skin.

Changmin opened his heavy eyes, sleep still threatening to take over. He shifted to get a better look at the boy above him. Chanhee stared down at him with his soft dark eyes and a soft smile on his lips. Their gazes locked for a moment and time stopped. Not literally of course, though Changmin wished it would. He wished they could stay there and trace every small and delicate feature on the boy’s face. He wished he could stay hidden in their small little comforting world where no one could reach either of them. Where no one would hurt them.

The standstill mirrored the same intensity from the morning’s ordeal. Yet the moment was completely different. The air wasn’t suffocating, and Changmin’s throat wasn’t burning as if a fire was scalding his insides. There was no fear, no anger, or hatred between the two. His body wasn’t screaming at him to run away or to fight. Instead, every part of him was begging him to stay and pull the body beside him closer. He wanted to hold onto the boy and cherish everything they had together. Whatever it was. They weren’t lovers. No, not even in his wildest dreams. But they were friends and partners, and maybe even soulmates.

Chanhee continued caressing Changmin’s dark locks, threading his fingers between the strands here and there. His eyes were glossy and his smile was wider than before. Both boys seemingly lost in their thoughts as they looked at each other. 

_Why are you so beautiful?_

Changmin wished he could speak out. He wished he could express everything anytime he saw the older boy. He wanted to be open with himself and with the other. 

A confession was impossible. The thought made him shudder. Changmin wouldn’t dare open his mouth about anything he felt for the other boy. Hiding his true feelings was the only way to be safe. To keep his secret meant to keep Chanhee. He didn’t want to risk losing the boy or their friendship. He didn’t want to ruin their partnership or see their career come crashing down at their feet. 

He could never tell Chanhee how he truly felt. How he loved the way the boy's eyes disappeared into tiny crescents when he laughed, or that he loved the sound of his voice when he sang, or that he even loved rare intimate moments like the one they were in now. Moments, where they shared delicate touches and tender gazes that made his heart flutter. These were moments where he felt like the two of them shared the same feelings and the same heart. He had to remember that they weren’t free to live however they pleased, that they had to mind those around them and that secrets like his were meant to stay buried. 

Chanhee’s fingers trailed their way down to Changmin’s lips and lingered there momentarily, the boy's eyes following their languid movements. His body stiffened, panic in his wide eyes as he snapped out of his trance, now completely aware of the position they were in. 

“Chan-” The name was lost in Changmin’s throat. Chanhee removed his fingers, turning his head away, coughing as if to clear his throat. Changmin looked away as well. And just like that their moment had ended as quickly as it had begun. As all their moments did.

“Are you hungry? I can try and make you something.” Chanhee stared out the living room window into the morning sky. A faint flush to his fair skin.

“I’m always hungry.” Changmin chuckled as he sat up and scooted into the spot beside the boy. 

“I ate already but I think Hyung bought us some groceries from the market down the way,” Chanhee stood quickly and made his way towards the kitchen, ignoring the boy beside him. With each hurried step, his penguin slippers tapped against the floor, echoing around the room. “I think there’s eggs at least,” He paused briefly, hands propped on his thin waist. “Do you want an omelette? Fried eggs? Scrambled? How ‘bout ramen?” He was rambling at this point. 

“Chanhee, it’s fine,” Changmin laughed at the boy. “Anything will be good. I’ll eat whatever you make.” Chanhee bit his bottom lip and nodded, ears a bright red and a faint flush still creeping back onto his cheeks. Some time went by as Chanhee rustled in the kitchen, preparing all of the necessary utensils and ingredients for his egg dish. Changmin slunk against the sofa’s arm, resting his head there as he watched the boy work from behind. Chanhee poured the egg mixture into the heated skillet, the sizzling sound accompanied by a delightful aroma. As he sat on the couch, head still heavy and hazy with sleep, Changmin only caught faint glimpses of the boy at work.

“Come eat,” The sound of ceramic knocking against wood stirred the boy from his slumber. Changmin looked over to the dining table with blurry eyes. A perfectly golden omelette was settled on a plate, a bowl of rice, and a glass of orange juice accompanying the main dish. Chanhee pulled out the chair opposite where the food had been set and turned to Changmin, his head resting in his hand. “Hurry, before it gets cold.” 

Changmin groggily shuffled over to the table and plopped down into his seat. His stomach grumbled lowly, mouth-watering, as he stared at the steaming plate in front of him. After everything that had happened earlier he hadn’t even realized that he was practically starving. Without sparing another second, the boy shoveled the food into his mouth, taking bits of egg and spoonfuls of rice in one bite. Chanhee sat in silence, as he watched the boy before him. Changmin paused for a moment, taking a sip of his juice before he spoke.

“How was your time with your parents?” A piece of rice stuck to the corner of his mouth. Chanhee leaned forward and swiped his thumb over the corner of the boy's mouth, removing the stray piece of rice. Changmin’s heart stuttered, as though skipping a beat that would lead to his untimely death. He sincerely hoped his internal panic over the simple action wasn’t reflected on his face for the other to see.

“Eat first.” He said nonchalantly.

“I am eating,” Changmin replied, shoving another spoonful in his mouth as he willed his heart rate back to normal.” I can talk and eat at the same time. See?” Another bite into his mouth, cheese threatening to ooze at the corners of his lips. Chanhee shook his head and ignored the younger.

“Eat so you can go clean up. The meeting was rescheduled to noon and we’ll have to leave soon,” Chanhee sat back to look at Changmin, his back hitting the chair lightly. “You don’t want to be late again, do you?” He quirked his brow.

_The audacity of this bitch._

“Yah! In the amount of time I’ve fought you on this, you could have told me about it already~” The younger whined, staring at the older in disbelief.

“It was fine.” Chanhee’s words were short and clipped. 

“Yah-” 

“Hurry up! You need to get ready!” Chanhee stood to his feet, the feet of the chair scooting against the floor. The boy turned and headed towards the back of the apartment. “I’m gonna go freshen up, and you better be getting ready by the time I’m done.” 

“Don’t yell at me, you brat!” Changmin downed the last bit of his orange juice and gathered up his dishes, setting them down in the sink. He walked over to the edge of the room to glare at the pink-haired boy.

“I’m not yelling at you!” Chanhee called back.

“You’re yelling at me right now!” Changmin fought the urge to laugh, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to hold it in. Chanhee snorted, clearly trying to stifle his laughter as well. 

“Shut up!” Chanhee scrunched his nose, turning towards his bedroom to get ready. Changmin laughed, unable to hide his smile as he watched the boy scurry away.

____________

Changmin’s head fell against the keyboard, pausing the screen's recording session. He sighed, running his hands through his hair and down his face, tired eyes struggling to stay open. Two weeks had passed since he had come back to Seoul, comeback preparations still being discussed, and repetitive vocal practice becoming tedious. The fluorescent lights were blinding above him, his eyes refusing to open and continue his work. He cracked one eye open to glance at the time on the screen, the simple movement a complete pain. 

12:30 a.m.

He groaned and willed his body to sit up, stretching his body, his back cracking a few times in the process. Changmin exited out of the recording program, slamming his notebook closed as well, the white pages empty except for a few scribbles in the corners. The boy had made a decent amount of progress today, enough to satisfy him at least. At this point, he was far too exhausted to care and far too exhausted to stay. If he stayed, he predicted that his work would be below average and a pathetic mess that he wouldn’t be about to understand tomorrow. Yeah, it would definitely be more beneficial to go home at the moment.

His phone dinged, a new text popping up on his screen. He swiped up, opening up their chat.

_[Chanhee]_

_What are you doing? Are you still at the company?_

_[Changmin]_

_Yeah. I’m just finishing up tho_

_Are you still here?_

_[Chanhee]_

_Yeah._

_I arrived later in the day so I’ll have to stay late, unfortunately._

Chanhee sent a couple of crying emoticons Changmin’s way, all with wide eyes and exaggerated tears.

_[Chanhee]_

_I’m starving right now!_

_Chicken sounds so good right now, what do you say?_

_[Changmin]_

_Deal._

_Where are you right now?_

_[Chanhee]_

_My studio._

_Hurry up!_

Chanhee texted Changmin a few more crying emoticons, urging the boy to run to him. Changmin shut everything down and cleaned his room before heading towards the boy. Their company wasn’t very big, but not small either, the duo being one out of four acts that called the agency home. The company’s interior and exterior were both modern and sleek in appearance, consisting of blacks, browns, and golds, with splashes of lush greenery to brighten the atmosphere. The building felt intimidating yet welcomed almost everyone that walked through its doors. 

Changmin continued down the hallways towards Chanhee’s studio. His sneakers echoed against the concrete floor, dark wooden planked walls lined either side of him, adorned with large posters of the company’s artist. Small orb lights hung above the photos, illuminating the expanse of the hallway. Despite the interior's strong appearance the building still felt cozy and comforting as Changmin continued his walk. He reminisced about the past as he glanced at each consecutive poster, eventually nearing his own. The two had been through almost everything together during their early years, the greatest highs and the worst lows and everything in between. Their future as artists was still bright and they had no intention of stopping anytime soon. Changmin smiled at the thought as he continued his walk.

Before he knew it, he found himself standing in front of Chanhee’s studio door. The door was a solid matte black, clear of any personal customization, just a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging on the doorknob. Changmin knocked on the door before stepping inside, not giving Chanhee a chance to answer. The room was small like most of the studios there, the same concrete floor and wooden walls as the rest of the basement floor. Chanhee sat at his desk, recording screen on his monitor and a microphone at his side. His space was well-kept and simple, free of any clutter or trash. A bookcase sat stationed in one of the corners, various books about music lined the shelves, and several pictures as well. The space held a minimalist vibe yet embodied Chanhee nonetheless. 

Chanhee turned to Changmin and paused his recording, removing his headphones with a deep sigh. His eyes mirrored Changmin’s, dark eye bags beginning to form underneath, the tedious practice wearing both of them out so early on into their preparations. It always was a little difficult for the two to get back into the swing of things after a break. It didn’t help that the weather outside was still a little chilly and the warm heat circling the building made them feel all cozy inside, urging them to cuddle under blankets instead of focus on their training.

“I’m dying to have a late-night snack right now. Chicken would be the best of course, but we could get something else if you want.” Chanhee smiled at the other, hands relaxed in his lap. “Where do you want to order from?” The boy was dressed casually, a simple pair of skinny jeans paired with a grey hoodie, and finished off with some comfy slippers. Changmin stood in front of the closed door, back against the wood. If he sat down he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get back up at this point. 

“There’s that one place a couple blocks away,” Changmin paused momentarily, the business name on the tip of his tongue. “...Kang...Chicken…? Kang’s Chicken! I think that’s the name. That place is pretty good. Let’s have them deliver it to the dorm.” His mouth watered at the notion of food. He didn’t remember when he had last eaten. That probably wasn’t good. Chanhee’s face fell slightly, a pout resting on his lips. 

_Why do you pout so much? Stop it. You look adorable when you do that._

“I can’t go home yet, Min-ah. I have to get this part of the song down- I’ve been struggling with it all night.” Chanhee stared down at his hands, fiddling with the end of his hoodie. Changmin sighed and crossed his arms against his chest as he stared at the boy in front of him. 

Chanhee was a perfectionist, and while all his work was presented at an impossibly high quality, this also meant that he tended to work himself into the ground. He spent hours upon hours at the company day in and day out, before and during promotions and even after, perfecting his music to a quality that he found acceptable. Chanhee was an artist in every way. He loved to be on stage, his eyes glistened in a euphoric bliss every time they performed. Music was his life, and Changmin applauded Chanhee for pursuing his dream. He just wished the boy wouldn’t push himself over the edge.

“You’ll end up hurting your vocal cords if you push yourself too far.” Changmin said, making his way over to sit in a chair beside the other.

“I’ll be fine, I just won’t talk a lot tomorrow,” Chanhee replied nonchalantly. “I know how to take care of my voice.”

“Says the person who was mute for a week after straining his cords.” Changmin argued, eyes glaring at the boy beside him. 

“That was different.” Chanhee kicked Changmin lightly, the younger failing to pull his legs away in time.

“How’s that different?” Changmin questioned. He chuckled lowly, astounded by Chahee’s words. “You pushed yourself then and you’re pushing yourself now. We’ll be back tomorrow anyway. It can wait.”

Chanhee sat in silence, mulling over Changmin’s words. The pink-haired boy bit his bottom lip, eyes avoiding the others as he racked his brain for a comeback. Changmin admired the boy beside him as he got lost in thought. His grey hoodie looked a size too big, the boy's fingertips barely visible from underneath his sleeves. His hair was ruffled, free of any product to keep it in place, and his face was bare, free of any makeup that hid his natural beauty. There were a few red marks against his cheek, evidence of his head having rested in his hands. 

“I-” Before Chanhee could even begin, Changmin cut him off, placing a hand over the boy's mouth.

“I’ll buy chicken and beer, how about that? I’ll pay for it all. It’s the perfect late night snack and I know how much you love it. But only if you go home. Deal?” Chanhee would be a fool to turn down free food. He mumbled in agreement against Changmin’s hand, giving in to the younger. Changmin removed his hand from Chanhee’s mouth and stood ready to leave. Chanhee grabbed a hold of his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“You go home first, I need to finish cleaning up here. I won’t take long but you don’t need to wait around.” 

Changmin eyed Chanhee’s hand, his heart rate speeding up as it thumped against his chest. 

_This sly bastard was trying to get out of going home_ . _Damn you, Choi Chanhee._

“Don’t try to get out of this-” Chanhee stopped him before he could finish.

“I’m not, I’ll go home I promise. Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably won’t make much progress at this point anyway.” Chanhee dragged his hand down and squeezed Changmin’s own. “But, I can’t leave my studio a mess. I’ll clean it, send in one of my reports, and then head home. That gives you time to order the chicken and have it ready for me when I get there. Can you do that?”

Changmin narrowed his eyes. Chanhee smiled up at him, innocent puppy dog eyes on full display. “Fine,” Changmin replied, begrudgingly. “It doesn’t take long for late-night delivery to get there! Don’t take too long!” 

“Go, I’ll be there soon.” Chanhee pushed him playfully causing them both to laugh.

  
  


____________

Changmin left Chanhee’s studio and made his way out of the company, bidding goodnight to the few janitors who worked into the early mornings. Changmin wrapped his jacket around his body tightly, hoping the fabric would shield him from the freezing wind as he stood outside the building. The area around him was fairly empty except for a few cars here and there. A few shops still had their lights on as well, keeping the streets lit in the morning darkness. Changmin pulled out his phone to check the time, debating whether he wanted to take a taxi or call their manager to take him home. It was a little after one at this point and he really didn’t feel like standing outside much longer, so a taxi would have to do. 

Changmin locked his phone and slid it back into his pocket, looking up in search of the closest taxi. He made his way towards the crosswalk, a turning car blinding him with their headlights. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the white lights as they burned behind his lids. With the vehicle finally gone he cracked them open, his eyesight a little fuzzy as they tried to readjust. The stop walk turned green and he moved to the side to clear space for the person making their way over.

Dark hair waved in the wind, shielding most of the woman’s face, her eyes the only feature visible on her face. Her dark eyes seemed to stare into Changmin’s soul, that all too familiar feeling crawling up his skin and suffocating him. She made her way towards him, a sinister smile revealed as the wind died down. He turned to run but his body felt weighted down, having only enough energy to barely power walk away. She followed closely behind relentlessly, speeding up as the two neared a dark alley. 

Changmin felt a pair of hands grab him from behind, wrapping him in their embrace. Siyeon sighed into his back and gripped onto the man tighter. He grabbed ahold of one of her arms, spinning her around and into the alley. 

“Oppa-” He cut her off quickly, slamming her body into the wall beside them. She winced in pain, gripping at the man standing before her. Changmin closed the space between them, their faces just inches apart. He couldn’t think straight anymore. He had seen her floating around the company since their ordeal at the station but she had kept her boundaries for once and he had been willing to let it slide. He should have known that she wouldn’t keep her distance. She never had before. Why would she suddenly stop?

“What are you doing here?” He asked through gritted teeth, voice low and rough. 

“I came to see you. I missed you,” She snaked her arms around his neck, clasping her hands together behind him. “You’ve been in there for so long I was worried about you. You look tired Oppa.” A smile graced her lips as she spoke.

Changmin let out a low chuckle, rolling his eyes in disbelief before settling back on her face. “I am tired.” He stated. He braced one of his hands against the wall behind her, sliding the other up her neck to rest on her throat. “I’m so fucking tired of you and this ridiculous game you’re playing.” Changmin squeezed his hand on her throat. His grip was firm but not enough to hurt her. While he couldn’t stand Siyeon, he had no intention of hurting her.

“What are you doing?” Her hands never left him. Siyeon tightened her grip on his neck and pulled him closer.

“What do you want from me? An autograph? Money? A cup of fucking coffee?” His eyes were blown wide, a tornado of emotions swirling inside him. “Tell me and I’ll do whatever it is. As long as it gets you to leave me the fuck alone!”

“What do I want?” She giggled, dragging her hands down and across his chest. “Take a guess.”

“No.” He squeezed her neck tighter, causing her to squirm. The pressure on her throat was there but not enough to cause harm. “Tell me now.”

“I want you.” She replied. Changmin stilled, jaw clenched tight as he tried to process what he just heard. Of course. He should have expected an answer like this. Why couldn’t she want something materialistic? Why couldn’t she want something he could give up easily? 

“Fine.” Their eyes were locked, intense gazes silently fighting for dominance over the other.

_What? What did I just agree to?_

The words left his mouth before he could even process what he was saying. His synapses misfiring, causing an incident of miscommunication to go off in his brain. Had he lost his mind? This was exactly what she wanted. Why was he agreeing to this? Was he going to give himself to just anybody? To be used in any way and every way, to be used as they pleased?

_Yes. I’ll give myself to you for a night. A night for you to use me as you please. Do whatever you want to me. Do your worst. If one night of pain can give me years of freedom then I’ll accept it. I’ll accept all of it._

_Will you be satisfied with one night though? No. Of course not. You won’t be satisfied till you have me to yourself, till I’m trapped in your arms, a slave to your sick desires. You want to be my one and only with no one else to turn to except you. You want to own me as a pet, for me to be chained to you like a dog._

_Fine. Let’s be alone, let’s be trapped together with no one else to turn to. No one but the two of us. Anything can happen then when others aren’t around. Who will suffer then, between just the two of us? You? Me? Why is it always me? Why do I always have to be the one to feel pain? Why shouldn’t you?_

“Are you serious Oppa?” Her eyes were glued to his, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. “Do you mean it?” Changmin hummed in agreement, removing his hand from her throat and taking a few steps back. He straightened his jacket, slipping his hands into the pockets.

“Meet me here tomorrow and we’ll talk about it more. Talk about this to no one. Understand?” He questioned the girl. Siyeon nodded her head, a wide smile on her face.

“Same time tomorrow. Don’t chicken out on me Ji Changmin.”

“Tell anyone and the deal is off,” Changmin pulled out his phone to look at the time. It was getting late and Chanhee would be hopefully heading home soon. “Go home. Don’t let anyone see you.” He motioned with his head for her to head off. Thankfully, she seemed to want to act properly now that she was getting something out of him. She strolled away, sashaying her hips as though she hadn’t just stalked and harassed him. Not that he was surprised by her demeanor; he had essentially just agreed to her insane request. He watched her go, and after making sure she had left, Changmin hailed a taxi and headed home. He hoped to beat Chanhee back to the dorm.


	2. Play the Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He suddenly felt trapped, like an animal in a cage. The horrible realization was too much; she would never stop.  
> He would always be hers, kept like a prize on a shelf, untouchable by anyone except its owner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this took forever to post because I suck at sitting down and writing. My motivation is non-existent but I'm trying lol
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Also, a slight trigger warning in this chapter for Dubcon!  
> The scene is F/M

Changmin stood under the pouring water, the showers' streams scalding hot. He felt his tired body relax, muscles twitching slightly as the tension eased out of them. Over the sound of running water, he heard the front door click open and shut again, signaling that Chanhee had finally made it home. 

He turned off the shower, deciding he had been in there long enough, having already cleaned up- he was just wasting water at this point. Chanhee would probably scold him for such. He got out and dried himself off, wrapping a towel around his waist so that he could head to his room. 

“Wasting water again, I presume?” Chanhee laughed from the sofa. 

“Hey, I was enjoying some nice quality time in the shower. I wasn’t wasting anything.” Changmin continued on into his bedroom, pushing his door close so that he could dry off the rest of his body.

“Gross.” Chanhee grimaced at his words, scrunching up his nose in disgust. Changmin paused his drying, processing his reply. He sighed, a smirk on his face.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Changmin whined. “Hurry and go shower, the food should be here soon.” He could hear the other laugh from the living room and shuffle into the bathroom, the door clicking closed. 

After a short shower, Chanhee exited the bathroom dressed in his dark blue silk pajama set and penguin slippers, wet hair sticking to his forehead and face flushed from the hot water. He looked beautiful as usual, never failing to cause Changmin’s heart to flutter or knock the wind from his lungs. He was whipped, and far too lost in the pretty boy’s eyes to be saved at this point. 

“Food’s here.” Changmin had the delivery laid out on the coffee table. A box of fried and seasoned chicken, accompanied by a few side dishes and a couple cans of beer. The perfect late-night snack and a personal favorite for both of them.

“Obviously.” Chanhee rolled his eyes. Changmin mocked the boy’s response, earning him a slap in the arm from the older. 

The two sat in comfortable silence, turning the television on to run as background noise as they dug into the food. They took turns grabbing chicken from both boxes, slightly favoring the fried over seasoned as they drank from their beers. Changmin finished his first can quicker than he had intended and opted to crack open another, taking a large swig from it. The two spoke seldom as they ate, only speaking up to argue about who got to eat the last drumstick. Chanhee was the victor in the end. Unsurprisingly. 

Changmin slowed his eating to stare at the boy beside him. Chanhee sat with full cheeks and eyes glued to the television as he munched on his chicken. His hair still damp and dripping down onto his shoulders, the droplets darkening the pajama top. 

_I don’t deserve you. You know that, right?_

_I have to do something you’ll hate. I hate it too. Trust me, I hate it. But it’s the only way, Chanhee-yah. I can’t handle it anymore, it’s so exhausting. Once I deal with it, once I give her what she wants, she should go away. At least I hope she does. I don’t want you to worry about any of it. It’s my burden, not yours. I don’t want to involve you with anything. Especially her._

Chanhee turned to look at Changmin, brows furrowed in confusion. He tapped the boy’s leg lightly, cheeks still full of chicken and sauce smudged at the corners of his lips.

“What are you doing?” Chanhee stared at him, waiting for a reply.

_Will you be upset with me for going through with this? I don’t know what else to do besides give her what she wants. I’ve run out of options at this point. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just hope it’s enough._

Changmin snapped out of his thoughts, Chanhee’s voice finally getting through to him. He shook his head and smiled. 

“Sorry, I was spacing out.” He finished the last of his beer in one gulp. “Are you done? I can put the trash away.” Changmin stood and grabbed the trash from the table, taking it to the kitchen before Chanhee had a chance to reply.

After finishing up their meal the two slouched into the sofa, exhaustion slowly taking over their bodies. They scrolled through their phones a bit, only speaking up to show a photo or crack a joke, the both of them occasionally dozing off but refusing to go to bed. It was nice, as it usually was between the two of them. 

After a while, Chanhee stretched out his arms, angling them upwards and causing his shirt to rise slightly. His fair skin peeked out from underneath the fabric, disappearing quicker than it had appeared. He fell back against the sofa and snuggled closer to Changmin, resting his head against the younger’s shoulder. 

“Go to bed.” Changmin slouched into the seat, lowering his head to rest atop the others. He had suggested an answer to Chanhee’s sleepiness (one that the older ignored) but made no move to send the boy on his way. In all honesty, he was content with the way they were.

“Don’t wanna,” Chanhee whined. He wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist and nuzzled into the younger’s neck. “I’m comfy right now. I don’t wanna move.” Changmin relaxed his body and looked down at the boy beside him. 

“At least let me get comfy too if you’re not gonna move,” Changmin sighed, placing his hand on Chanhee’s. He sat up in his seat and removed the boy’s hands from his waist, the older whining in protest. 

Chanhee looked over to him, eyes drooping with sleepiness and brows knitted in confusion. His pink lips set in their signature pout. 

“What are you doing?” he murmured. 

Changmin twisted his body around on the sofa, throwing his legs up onto the seats and stretching out. He pulled Chanhee to his chest, pink hair standing out against his dark shirt as the two squirmed around for a comfortable arrangement. Their sofa was a decent size, not too big nor too small. But, it didn’t leave much room between the two of them, their bodies squeezed together without any room for personal space. 

“Go to sleep,” Changmin whispered, his breath ruffling a few strands of Chanhee’s hair. One arm was propped behind his head while the other settled on Chanhee’s shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze as the older continued to fidget. 

He tried to adjust himself comfortably, groaning as he searched for the best position. It was quiet for a moment between them as exhaustion finally began to take over. Eyes heavy and body lax, Changmin didn’t dare try to avoid sleep even a second longer. Changmin pulled Chanhee closer (if it was even possible at this point), closing the space between them.

“Good-” Chanhee was up before the words could even come out.

_Goodnight I guess..._

Chanhee pulled his body from Changmin, untangling their limbs and climbing off the sofa. Changmin could only watch as the boy shuffled away to his bedroom, leaving him alone in the living room. 

Now all alone, Changmin’s thoughts stirred in the back of his mind. He shook his head, hair draping across his eyes as he willed the negative thoughts away. Doubts and insecurities threatening to cloud his mind as he sat in the aftermath of rejection. 

_Good job dipshit._

_We were just fine and then you just had to scoot closer, didn’t you? Is he upset now? Did I get too close? Did I invade his personal space? Idiot! I mean...we were cuddling, right? As friends...we were cuddling….Ughhh_

_...no...yes...no….?_

_Yeah, no, it was completely casual. Just doing what friends do. Friends cuddle. It’s fine. Right?_

“I got cold.” Chanhee’s voice broke Changmin from his thoughts. He sat up to look at the boy. Chanhee had slipped on a pair of socks and held his coziest blanket in his arms. He made his way back onto the sofa, fitting nicely in between Changmin and the back of the seat. Chanhee snuggled close to Changmin, content with his spot finally.

_See, he was just cold. Yep. Just cold._

_Ahhh, why am I like this?_

“Goodnight, Min-ah.” Chanhee’s voice was barely audible against the bullshit going off in Changmin’s head at the moment. His words were gentle and a bit slurred. Changmin felt Chanhee’s body relax against his, his breathing slow and calm against his chest.

“Goodnight.” Changmin closed his eyes and waited a moment before continuing. “Dream a dream about me~” 

“Ugh.” Chanhee stifled a laugh, refusing to give in to Changmin’s antics. The dumb joke earned the younger a pinch in his side, which he greatly protested against. The pair laughed it off, boisterous laughter quieting into giggles until the two eventually passed out. They stayed wrapped in each other's arms without a care in the world; with just the two of them nothing else mattered.

Their relationship was completely platonic of course.

Obviously. 

____________

“Alright everyone, go ahead and take a ten-minute break. Afterward, we’ll do a full run-through.” 

The man’s voice echoed throughout the room, causing everyone to halt their tasks as they gave him their full attention. He stood at the back, arms crossed as he had watched the duo rehearse their moves. His dark, hawk-like eyes watched their sweaty figures as they danced, searching for any mistakes that needed correcting. 

Lee Donghyun was a well-known choreographer and performer, having been praised numerous times for his intricate and powerful performances. As a choreographer the man was strict and blunt in his teachings, but also a nurturing figure to the aspiring youths that visited his studio. For up-and-coming dancers, getting the chance to work with him was a dream come true and something that many hoped for. 

This was the case for Changmin at least. He had met said man years ago before the idea of becoming an Idol had even formed in his mind. He was just a boy who loved to dance. Nothing more, nothing less. 

After attending the studio for a few years the two had gradually grown close, developing a brotherly bond that Changmin had never felt before. To him, Donghyun was family. But, he still looked up to the man as a senior performer who he would always be able to learn from and was honored to have him as their choreographer.

“Please enjoy your break. Thank you for the hard work everyone!” Chanhee smiled and bowed to the staff, Changmin mirroring his movements as the majority of the staff rushed out of the practice room, heading to the nearby coffee shop. 

“Changmin-ah, can I talk to you for a second?” Donghyun waved him over, leaning against the back wall as he waited for the boy to step closer.

“Yeah!” Changmin called back. Chanhee bowed to the man and walked away, leaving the two to have their private talk. “What’s up?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just wanted to check-in. You just... “ His words trailed off as he searched for the right word. “You seem a little out of it today is all. Is everything good? 

“Oh…" There was a pause between them. Changmin shrugged and smiled at the man, teeth a blinding white."I'm alright Hyung. I’m sorry if I’ve been sloppy during practice. I’ll be sure to work a thousand times harder! I swear!"

“Yah, why are you like this?" Donghyun chuckled, swatting Changmin’s hands away as the boy pretended to plead with his instructor. "Don’t get sarcastic with me!”

“Me? What are you talking about?” Changmin laughed.

Donghyun shook his head, ignoring the younger’s antics. “Whatever. Brat.” He stuck his hand out ruffling Changmin’s hair. “Now that I see you’re doing just fine I’m gonna say what I want.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you were trying to say something.” 

“What I was trying to say was that you guys are doing great as usual. But, it just feels like your heads are somewhere else. You’re both out of focus right now and I know we still have to make some tweaks to the choreo, but before you know it your time will be up. I just want you guys to be prepared is all.”

“Oh...I didn’t know we....” Changmin stilled, holding his hands behind his back with his head down. “I didn’t realize how out of focus we were Hyung. I’m sorry.” Had they both been that out of focus? Did everyone around them see that they were out of it?

_Why didn’t anyone say anything? I hadn’t even noticed that I was spacing out. Thinking back on it though, I don’t really remember exactly what we’ve done._

_Ji Changmin, get yourself together. Don’t make a fool of yourself._

_Hyung said both of us though? Is Chanhee out of it too? What’s wrong with him? He’s never like this._

“Why are you being so formal with me? Are we strangers or something?" Donghyun laughed, loud and wholeheartedly. The sound broke Changmin’s thoughts, the boy taking a chance to look over to Chanhee. "Go enjoy your break now. I won’t keep you any longer. When we start again I want both of you at 100%. I know you guys can do it. You always do.”

“Yes sir!” Changmin turned back to Donghyun, saluting the man with a straight face and puffed chest.

"Yah!" Donghyun moved to swat the boy, Changmin dodging his hand as he walked away. He wiped the tears at the corners of his eyes, laughing as he made his way towards Chanhee.

“Okay, okay.” Changmin laughed, holding his ribcage and throwing up an ‘okay’ sign. “We’ll be at a hundred Hyung!”

Chanhee sat over in the corner, back against the wall as his head rested on the mirrored wall beside him. Sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, a piece of tissue underneath the fringe, as he stared down at his phone. He wore a simple red pull-over and some joggers accompanied by a pair of black sneakers. 

“Aren’t you hot over here? I told you to wear a t-shirt.” Changmin sat down criss-cross next to the boy, pretending to fan him with his hands.

“I’m fine.” Chanhee’s voice was ice cold and his words straight to the point. His eyes didn’t leave the phone screen. “Did you have a nice talk?”

"Yeah...why'd you say it like that?" 

_Why are you like this? What’s wrong?_

"I just asked you a question." The boy continued to refuse to look at him, face blank as he swiped through his social media.

"Why are you being short with me? Is something wrong? Hyung said you seemed out of it today. I didn't notice before, but maybe he was right."

"I'm out of it?" Chanhee questioned. He stared at Changmin in disbelief, annoyance etched into his features. 

"Yeah. You are." Changmin could feel the irritation prickling at his skin. 

The two tended to get this way when they fought. As soon as one could sense a change in the tone of the other's voice they both got defensive. And while they were best friends, Changmin couldn’t deny that they butted heads more often than not. Most situations were easy to overcome, one of them usually forgetting about it and the two making up. Others were not. He just hoped this one passed quickly.

"Then what about you? Where's your head been all practice?" Even though Chanhee had learned to take caution with his words, he had yet to learn how to hide his emotions. If he didn’t say it then his face showed it. Clearly irritated, his face was scrunched in disgust, looking at Changmin as if he were scum. 

"I've been focused all practice! What are you talking about?" 

Liar.

"Really? Have you now? What a bunch of bullshit." Chanhee scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Yah! Watch your mouth. There's other people around." 

"Forget about it. I don't wanna talk anymore." Chanhee turned his attention back to his phone, clearly planning to ignore Changmin once more. If Chanhee ended the conversation then the conversation was over. That’s just how it went.

Changmin huffed in defeat, annoyed by the whole situation. He fidgeted for a few moments, debating whether or not to speak up and press the boy for answers. Opting against pushing the situation further, Changmin decided to pull out his phone. The two finished their break in an awkward and tense silence.

___________

  
  


“That’s where we’ll stop for today.” Donghyun turned off the music, concluding the practice for the evening. It was around six o’clock, Changmin only now taking a chance to stop and glance up at the time. The door to the room opened, the duo’s manager popping his head through. 

“Chanhee-yah, Changmin-ah, let’s grab some dinner and then we’ll move to the recording studio,” he called out. The two nodded, air around them still awkward from their confrontation earlier.

“When will the recording be done?” Donghyun questioned. The room went silent once more. Most of the staff having had left a little earlier, all that remained were the four of them in the room. Changmin shifted his gaze between the two speaking. 

“I’m not sure. It will definitely take a couple hours but it’s up to the producer in the end." Donghyun nodded, humming as he seemed to ponder over the manager’s words. “May I ask why you are asking Donghyun-ssi?”

“When the recording is done please contact me.” Donghyun turned to Chanhee. “Chanhee-ssi, I’ll be seeing you afterward for additional practice.” 

“I can help him with practice tonight, Hyung. I wanted to stay later to practice more as well.” Changmin said, 

_Why does Chanhee need to stay later? He's not the best dancer but he's learning and that's what matters. It's not to the point of slowing us down, Hyung. I actually thought he did good during practice today. I can always help later if he needs it..._

“We don’t want to inconvenience you, Donghyun-ssi.” The manager said.

“Inconvenience?” Chanhee whispered. The words were so quiet that Changmin barely heard him speak. Chanhee’s hands squeezed his bag strap, his nails digging into the fabric. 

“No,” Changmin reached over to gently grab the boy's hands. He squeezed them reassuringly, hoping to provide him some comfort. “Never. You’re never an inconvenience.” Chanhee pulled his hands away roughly, earning a frown from Changmin. 

_Why are you pulling away? What’s with you today? Talk to me, please…_

“The members have a tight schedule I-” The manager began but Donghyun cut the man off, raising his hand to silence him.

“It won’t take long, I just need to clarify a few things with him.”

“You can clarify them now. Go ahead and ask any questions, Donghyun-ssi.” Chanhee’s eyes bore into the man in front of them, face blank but eyes burning in anger.

“Chanhee.” The manager warned.

“Don’t." Changmin turned to Chanhee and gently held his arm. “Don’t say anything you’ll regret.” No good ever came out of telling Chanhee what to do but at least he could try. 

Chanhee looked over to him, eyes screaming that he wanted to speak but the words refusing to leave his lips. The pink haired boy remained quiet, his lips pursed in a thin line as he turned to Donghyun, waiting for the man to speak.

“Okay, I’ll ask then." Donghyun stepped forward and toward Chanhee, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Do you actually want to be here? Really, what are you doing right now? Can you even tell me what you're doing? I can tell the difference between a lack of talent and pure laziness, and today you were lazy. It was pathetic quite honestly."

"Donghyun-ssi!" The manager tried to interject.

Chanhee snapped, "Don't cut him off Hyung." 

Donghyun ignored everyone else in the room, his eyes focused solely on Chanhee. "There was no effort at all on your part. Is that how you’ll act for this promotion? Don’t you get how a duo works? It’s a partnership. One can’t shine over the other and still expect to succeed. And one can’t slack and still expect success either. You need to put in just as much effort as Changmin. If you’re not going to, then you should just quit.”

“Hyung…” Changmin felt like the wind was just knocked out of him. He wasn’t even the one being scolded yet he felt utterly helpless. He couldn't speak up or fight back. Chanhee wouldn’t let him argue. He never would, especially if it was on his behalf. His only option was to sit there and take it.

No matter how much Changmin wanted to help Chanhee, the boy would alway refuse. He wanted to be his rock, someone he could rely on and turn to. He wanted to be there for him. He always was and always would be. But Chanhee fought his fights alone. Interfering would just upset the older further. 

So, Changmin pushed his emotions down and let the situation play out. He would let Chanhee have his way, no matter how much it hurt him to watch.

“I want to be here more than anything. Truly I do. I know I lack in comparison to Changmin and I’m sorry that my performance during practice was weak. I’ll be sure to show up after the recording to fix my mistakes. Again, I’m sorry.” Chanhee’s voice was quiet and dull. Void of any and all emotion. He had pushed everything down like he always did. 

“I’ll see you in a few hours then.” Donghyun nodded in acknowledgment, Chanhee bowing to the man as he left. 

The room was silent once more. The atmosphere, thick and tense and almost unbearable to be in. Changmin desperately wanted to comfort the boy beside him. His heart screamed and tugged at him to move, urging him to protect Chanhee. 

But, his head told him to stay still, to let Chanhee make the first move and all of the decisions. His feet refused to move, and his eyes stayed glued to the floor. If he were to look at Chanhee right now, any restraint that he was holding onto would be gone. 

“Let’s go. You guys need to eat something and take a break for a bit.” Their manager opened the door, motioning for the two to go ahead and head out. Chanhee slung his bag over his shoulder and pushed past the two of them in silence. Changmin released a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. 

Changmin finished gathering his belongings, their manager squeezing his shoulder reassuringly as they exited the practice room. Chanhee was nowhere in sight. 

“He’ll be alright. It takes more than that to bring him down.”

“I know.” The two shared a weak smile. “Thanks, Hyung.”

___________

“Welcome in! Take a seat anywhere you like! I’ll be with you in just a moment!” A woman greeted the trio as they made their way into the busy restaurant. It was a small place, maybe even a little cramped depending on the person you asked, with dozens of tables covering the floor and bar tops lining the perimeter. Changmin’s mouth watered, the scent of grilled meat reaching his nose, his stomach growling in anticipation. 

The clinking of glasses and laughter sounded throughout the restaurant as the three of them made their way to a corner table. Chanhee slid into the seat beside the wall, Changmin making his way into the seat next to him. Their manager sat across from them, hailing a waitress to bring them some water. 

Once the group had ordered and their food had arrived, they took to devouring the grilled meat and assortment of side dishes that sat before them. While they stuffed their faces not much was said between them. Changmin spoke with his manager off and on, the two of them joking playfully and commenting on whatever sports game was being played on the TV. Chanhee remained quiet, eating his dishes in silence, only speaking up when necessary. 

Changmin leaned back in his seat, body relaxed and in a haze as he tried to digest his meal. It had been one of the best meals that he had had in a long time. It would have been better if he hadn’t felt like he was walking on glass around Chanhee. Their manager had slipped off to the restroom, leaving Changmin to watch after the sulking boy. 

He turned to stare at Chanhee, resting his head in his hand as he gazed at the older. Chanhee sat lifelessly beside him, face blankly staring off into space with sad eyes. His eyes glistened in the dark room, twinkling lights reflecting in his dark orbs as he sat there. He almost looked as if he had been crying, eyes red around the rim and covered in a glossy shine. 

_I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything back there. I wanted to...God, I wanted to. But, I thought if I overstepped you’d be upset with me. I thought I would only make it worse. What should I do Chanhee? I feel like I can’t say anything to you today. I feel like if I do, you’ll rip my head off. Can’t you tell me what’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?_

“Are you going to keep staring at me like that?” Chanhee sighed, turning his body to face the younger. His face was red, flushed from the heat in the room, and his hair was begging to stick to his forehead again. 

“I’m sorry.” Changmin sat straight to face the boy. He didn’t really know what to say at this point. He didn’t know what he could say that would even matter. 

“What are you apologizing for? It’s not that big of a deal.” Chanhee’s lips tugged up into a small smile. 

“I should’ve said something-”

“Alright guys, time to go. We should head back to the company for the recording practice.” Changmin was interrupted by their manager returning to the table. Changmin gaped for a moment, turning back to Chanhee and wanting to continue their reconciliation. But the older was already standing, collecting his bag and tidying up the table. Changmin sighed silently, shoulders drooping as he followed the two out. 

After arriving back at the company the two were quickly rushed in to do their studio recording. Overall, the three plus hours they had to spend there had been quite uneventful, and Changmin had spent most of his time zoning out in the background. Chanhee continued to be moody, ignoring Changmin any time the two had to be within the same vicinity. He kept his words short, focusing solely on the music sheets before him as the recording seemed to drag on.

Chanhee did most of the singing, the older having the majority of the lines as he was the main vocal of the group. Changmin sang when he had to, spending most of his time correcting his errors as the producer called them out. Changmin wasn’t a bad singer, just like Chanhee wasn’t a bad dancer. Where one lacked the other shined, and it worked to create the perfect harmony during their performances. 

They continued to run-through their chosen title track, the song a dark, sensual, and almost eerily sounding piece, unlike anything the pair had done before. The pair went over possible b-sides as well, picking and choosing what songs fit the upcoming concept best. Changmin was excited for their next step into a mature concept and wished that he could express his feelings with his partner. However, that seemed far from possible at the moment.

With the demo recordings now done, the pair were set to finish out their night. They would wait for the producer to get back to them at a later date so that they could proceed with the chosen tracks. The two exited the studio room, bidding the producer goodbye before shutting the door. They silently made their way towards the company entrance, the faint sound of music filling their ears.

“Be safe getting home.” Chanhee stood by the elevators, his bag hanging loosely from his hand. 

“I can join you if you want. I could always use some more practice.”

“No, it’s fine. Besides, Hyung already let him know that I was heading there alone.” Chanhee shook his head, simply stating the facts.

“I’m sure Hyung-I’m sure Donghyun-ssi won’t mind if I tag along. Do you not want me to go?”

“No, I don’t,” Chanhee sighed.

“Do you want to be alone with him?” Changmin questioned, jealousy nipping at his insides.

“No, why would you even ask that!” Chanhee shouted at the younger. The older was clearly angry and upset from the question. 

“Sorry, I-” Changmin hung his head, upset with himself that he would even ask such a question. Why was he even jealous in the first place? Chanhee wasn’t his, he never would be. He could be with whoever he wanted. Changmin had no say in any of it.

_Just, not with someone I know. Please…_

“It’s embarrassing!” Chanhee crossed his arms, avoiding Changmin’s eyes. “It’s...I’d be...I’d be embarrassed if you went. It would just make the situation worse.”

“Why? We’ve known each other for how long? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Changmin smiled at the boy. 

_Why would you ever be shy in front of me Chanhee-yah? You’re perfect just the way you are._

“I don’t know- it just would be. I’d rather go alone,” Chanhee pouted as he glared at Changmin. His finger poked out from his pullover to push the elevator button, the ring around it lighting up. 

“You never have to be embarrassed in front of me, Chanhee.” 

“I know.” Chanhee smiled, the elevator door dinging open behind him. “And for the record, as I said, I’m not going just to see him.”

“I believe you.” Changmin nodded.

Chanhee walked into the elevator, turning to face the younger. The boy stopped the elevator doors as they began to close, the machine opening once more. He insisted, “I don’t even like him.”

“He’s not bad once you get to know him. He’s a good Hyung.” Changmin shrugged with a smile.

Chanhee scoffed, “Whatever.” The pink-haired boy rolled his eyes as the doors finally shut, a small smile creeping onto his lips.

___________

Changmin stepped out onto the sidewalk, the convenience store’s bell chiming as the door closed behind him. He stood idly by the entrance watching as cars sped past the busy intersection, businesses lights still shining so late into the evening. Well, morning now.

12:00 a.m.

He still had about an hour before he needed to meet Siyeon and every minute he spent waiting felt like he was drawing nearer to his death. The very thought of going through with what he was about to do caused his stomach to churn. Even out in the cool morning breeze, his skin was on fire, burning like a thousand needles were piercing his skin. 

A sweaty palm squeezed at the bottle’s neck, the green glass reflecting various lights across its sides. It was just a little bit of soju, not enough booze to cause any damage but just enough to hopefully calm his nerves. Changmin cracked open the bottle and took a swig, the cool liquid burning down his throat. 

He took another gulp from the bottle, this time savoring the sweeter flavor of alcohol as he made his way back towards the company. Changmin didn’t expect to collide with a body beside him, the force causing some of the liquid to spill over onto his hand. He quickly adjusted himself, wiping his hands on his jacket to dry them off before looking up to apologize to the stranger.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and I didn’t mean to-” 

“Why are you drinking so late? You don’t want to see me tonight?” Siyeon stood before him, her arms crossed and lips pushed into a pout. Her nose and cheeks were flushed from the cold, faint sniffles heard here and there as she spoke. 

Changmin paused, taking a moment to plan his next set of words carefully. He brought the soju back to his lips, downing the rest of the bottle before tossing the glass into the nearest recycling bin. 

“What are you doing here?” He huffed.

“Look at me when you speak.” 

_Excuse me?_

Changmin turned on his heels and quickly closed the space between the two. Well, drinking sort of helped. It relieved his anxiety and he felt like he could do anything she threw his way. Unfortunately, alcohol did very little to calm his anger. And as usual, she planned to push all of his buttons.

“What are you doing here?” he snapped. 

“Mad already?” Siyeon gasped, light and overexaggerated. “Fine by me. It’ll make things more interesting tonight!” 

Changmin grabbed a hold of the girl's arm, dragging her into a nearby alley for some privacy. This wasn’t a conversation he would willingly have out in the open. 

“We agreed to meet at the company. Same place and time as yesterday. Why are you here?” Just for once, couldn’t things go as planned? Why did everything have to be so difficult with her?

“I just happened to be out-”

“Bullshit.” 

_Just out and about? Does she think I’m an idiot?_

_...Probably._

“Oh? Feisty. I like you even more when you act like this,” she purred. Siyeon leaned against the stone wall, her eyes dragging up and down Changmin’s frame. The city lights illuminated their faces in the dark, various colors dancing across their skin as they stared each other down.

“Everything before was just an act wasn’t it? Acting like some pure and innocent fan who loved a little too much. This is the real you.” Changmin stated. He shook his head in disbelief, his anger rising and falling to an unpredictable rhythm. 

“Of course. I mean, there are girls out there who are like that but I’m not one of them. I just wanted you to see me that way. I thought you liked girls like that; young and stupidly naive. I was willing to become whatever you wanted me to be.” Siyeon strutted forward, grabbing hold of Changmin’s jaw with a tight grip. “Maybe that’s not what you like though. Maybe you need someone to tell you what to do.”

He roughly pushed her hand away, her nails slightly scratching against his skin. Siyeon’s laughter echoed in the alley, adding fuel to the fire inside Changmin’s chest. He was practically shaking at this point, his body aching to punch anything and everything. His hand reached out to grab a hold of her shirt, the fabric rising against her skin as she was pushed against the wall behind her.

“Kim Siyeon…”

“I like it when you say my name. Say it some more,” she giggled.

Changmin let out a sigh. “Let’s just get to the point already. Let’s talk about our deal and get it over with. When do you want to do this?”

“Tonight.”

Changmin stilled, his brain unable to process anything that was happening. He thought he was prepared for anything. That he could handle anything she said or did, even if he did lose his mind in the process. But this was too much. This was all happening too fast. 

“No. Not tonight. That won’t work.” He lied. Was he running away right now like a coward? Maybe.

“See, I knew you would do this...” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. “Are you trying to run away from me Min-ah?”

“Me? Running away?” Changmin scoffed. “I agreed to this deal, didn’t I? I’m just busy at the moment and there needs to be some planning for this. Don’t forget I’m in the public eye. This has to happen where no one can see us.”

“I know. I took care of it all already. I found a nice room for us and it’s already booked. That’s why we’re going through with this tonight. The sooner the better, right?”

Changmin stood mulling over her words. If he was going to do this she was right. Unfortunately. The sooner the better would be the best option. He tended to overthink and let his thoughts get out of hand. Delaying the situation would just cause him unnecessary stress that he didn’t have time to deal with.

_Do it and get it over with. That’s what you’ve been telling yourself all day. Suck it up and don’t be a coward._

“Where is it?” The wind blew through Changmin’s hair, disturbing the locks and cooling his burning skin. “The room.”

Siyeon smiled, “Right outside of Seoul along the expressway. It’s nice and secluded. The perfect place for two people to be alone.”

“Give me the address. I’ll change and be there soon.” 

Changmin pulled out his phone to type as Siyeon rambled off the address, repeating the room number at least three times. A photo of the motel popped up on his screen and Changmin clicked his phone off. It was nice. And it was secluded. It would have to work. 

“When you get there, just walk in the room. I’ll be waiting for you.” Siyeon leaned forward and placed a kiss on Changmin's cheek, running her hands down his chest before sauntering off out of the alley.

___________

Changmin stood in front of the motel room door dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a white loose-fitting shirt. A black leather jacket and baseball cap added to help hide his identity from wandering eyes. The number 102 stood out in black against the dark maroon door. 

The motel held a chic and modern exterior, covered in grey stone and dark wood accented with touches of reds and golds. The rooms all faced inwards, looking out into an open courtyard lush with a variety of shrubbery and flowers. From the side, the motels' sign shined a bright white, buzzing in the morning air. Changmin let out a sigh, closing his eyes to try and ease his nerves.

Now or never.

_Never would be preferable. But, whatever I guess._

Changmin opened the door, stepping over the threshold and into the warm room. The interior was just as nice as the exterior. The room had dark wood floors and warm brown walls with abstract artwork to make it pop. A large window was directly across from the door, draped closed by dark curtains with a couch placed in front of it. The queen-sized bed took up most of the space, almost dividing the room in half.

Siyeon sat on the bed, dressed in purple lace lingerie, a silk robe hanging from her sides as she stared at the man in front of her. The lingerie hugged her skin tightly, accentuating every dip and curve in her form. Her black hair framed her face, dark cat-like eyes raking up and down his body as she made her way to him. 

“Look at you.” She trailed her fingers along Changmin’s chest sending a shiver down his spine. Her manicured nails felt more like claws as they dragged against him. “You look unbelievable right now.” She pushed his jacket back and over his shoulders, the material hitting the floor with a thud. 

“Let’s get this over with,” he muttered. His skin crawled with every touch she left. He felt like he was drowning, heart pounding in his ears and chest throbbing as he hopelessly gasped for air. Changmin slid her hands away, pushing the girl onto the bed behind her, her robe sliding down onto the floor as she fell back. He slipped his shoes off in the doorway and made his way onto the bed, situating himself in between her legs and caging her in.

Siyeon pulled him closer, her hand wrapped behind his neck as she drew their lips together. Her lips were warm and soft against his own, her tongue running along the seam of his lips and begging for entrance. But he couldn’t seem to reciprocate. Changmin just couldn’t get his body to move. His hands remained rooted in the spots on either side of her head, despite knowing that he should be committed to the part he agreed to play. 

_Move! You idiot! You have to!_

“You have to make this worth my while for it to count,” she sighed against his lips, warm breath hot against his skin. “If you don’t, I guess I’ll just have to keep coming back.” 

_No way in Hell._

_I just have to push it all down. I can do this! I can definitely do this..._

Changmin pushed Siyeon down into the mattress, hands gripping her waist as he pressed their lips together once more. He brought his hand up to hold her face in an attempt to deepen the kiss, gently running a hand along her jaw, while trying to push down the bile bubbling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling just wouldn’t seem to go away.

_Maybe I can’t do this...I think I’m gonna be sick..._

She scooted closer to him, snaking a hand around his waist to pull his shirt up and over his head. Changmin reluctantly gave in, pulling the fabric over his head and throwing it on the floor. Their lips crashed together again, teeth knocking as Siyeon drew him impossibly close, curling their tongues together messily. Her hands roamed his body, Changmin tensing with every touch and grip.

Changmin’s eyes were squeezed together tightly, the pressure almost nauseating as he tried to let his body take control and his mind go blank. If he could just let his body function on auto-pilot all would be good. At least he hoped.

His emotions were all over the place, his feelings at the moment unknown. The only thing he knew for sure was that he didn’t want to be there. He hated everything about it. 

_I agreed to this but I wish I hadn’t. I can’t go back from something like this. Was this a mistake?_

The way her nails dragged down his skin set him ablaze but in all the wrong ways. Instead of pleasure, he felt disgusted. He wanted nothing more than to throw her off and storm out the door, crushing any and all deals. Siyeon’s hands found their way down to his pants, fingers ghosting across the button and zipper. She palmed the mediocre tent in his pants a few times, a small moan escaping from her lips.

Sitting back on his heels, Changmin removed his pants, throwing them to the side to sit alongside his discarded shirt. Their sweaty bodies continued to grind against one another, the friction eliciting quiet whines and gasps from Siyeon as she writhed beneath him. 

“Where are the cameras?” Changmin gasped, a thin trail of spit still connecting their lips together. His body shakily lurched forward, Changmin trying his best to hold steady as bile threatened to spill out. He roughly wiped his arm across his mouth, his own saliva sticking to his cheek. 

_I can do this! I just have to get through this and I’ll be done with her. I just need to hold on a little longer. I just need to play my part._

“There aren’t any.” She went to reconnect their lips but Changmin quickly pulled away, creating a gap between them.

“There are.” He dragged his hands along her arms, pushing the limbs above her head. “Tell me where they are so that I can put on a good show for you.”

_What is wrong with you Ji Changmin? Have you gone insane? What am I even saying right now? I mean I probably am insane. Look at what I’m doing right now! Look at who’s under me!_

_Play the part...I’m playing the part..._

Siyeon shuddered, dark orbs filled with lust as she gazed up at the man above her. There was a light sheen to her fair skin, her figure almost glowing underneath the dim yellow lighting of the room. 

“By the TV.” She motioned with her head towards the screen. “It’s right under there.” 

Changmin turned his body, eyes locking with the red flashing light beneath the television screen. Of course, it was right there. She had a perfect shot of all the action. His hands instinctively grabbed Siyeon’s wrist as she went to move, his grip almost bone-crushing.

“What are you doing?” He questioned, eyes blown wide as he stared down at her. She froze midway, body twisted towards the nightstand.

“Did you bring a condom?...No? I didn’t think so. I want you to fuck me and I want it done right.” Her voice was steady as she spoke. She managed to pull her hands away from Changmin’s grasp, reaching into the nightstand to pull out a silver packet.

_I completely forgot about that. Like an idiot. What was I thinking?_

A little voice in the back of his mind lets him know that he wasn’t.

“Good thinking…” Changmin mumbled. Siyeon giggled underneath him, shyly coving her mouth.

“Keep going. Don’t stop yet.”

_Oh...yeah...right. I was about to have sex...I’m about to have sex._

_With someone I hate._

Changmin hooked a finger in her underwear, slowly pulling the lace down and off of her body. Was he a virgin? Maybe. Was he gonna let anyone know? Not a chance.

Siyeon spread her legs, Changmin swallowing hard as he resisted the urge to look away. He rubbed small circles into her skin, delaying the inevitable for as long as possible before he slowly pushed in a digit. Siyeon gasped underneath, teeth digging into her bottom lip as he pushed further in. Changmin continued to move slowly, Siyeon’s back arching from the movements and her nails digging into his arms.

_Is this right? Am I doing this right? Is this what you do?_

Changmin’s finger moved in and out slowly, Siyeon gasping and whining below as he added another finger. Moans spilled from her lips as she bucked against his fingers, pleasure etched across her face. Changmin could only assume that he was doing his job correctly. He watched on nonchalantly, her sounds more annoying than pleasurable in his mind. 

“That’s, ah, enough. Stop with the foreplay,” Siyeon gasped. Her hands gripped the sheets beside her, knuckles white and sheets twisted into a mess. “I want you.”

Changmin winced at the implication. He slowed his movements, brows furrowed and lips pressed tightly as the two stared at each other.

“Are you-”

“I’m good,” She panted, chest rising and falling rapidly, her hair splayed out messily underneath her.

“Okay…” 

Here goes nothing. He slid his underwear down and off, the same wretched feeling returned to Changmin, his body shivering involuntarily. He found himself grabbing a small packet and ripping it open, sliding the condom onto his semi-hard dick. That was the best she was gonna get apparently. Somethings you just couldn’t force.

_I just have to get her off, right? Shouldn’t be too hard...I can’t really fuck this up can I? Can I fuck this up? If I go and fucking fail then I’m stuck with her. Get a grip Ji Changmin!_

Changmin gripped her thighs, pulling her closer to him as he adjusted himself at her entrance. He pushed in slowly until he bottomed out, hissing at the tightness around him. She hadn’t argued so he assumed everything he had done thus far was fine. He was inexperienced, and what experience he had...well, it wasn’t with women. They stayed that way for a while, Changmin adjusting to the position and trying to sort his thoughts out.

“Move,” Siyeon whined, bucking her hips forward. 

_Get her off as quick as possible and then be done with it. Quick and simple… I just need to think of someone else, anyone else…_

His mind wandered to a familiar face, delicate features picturesque in his memory. He remembered all of the accidental touches and the way his heart stopped when the boy stared at him. He remembered the way the boy felt in his arms and the way his voice sang his name. Fair skin, pink hair and pink lips, and eyes dark even under the brightest lights, the stars reflecting in their darkness. How he wished he could be with that person, holding them and loving them.

But he was here instead.

Changmin nodded, pulling his hips back to give a small thrust. Siyeon released a breathy moan and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, urging him to move. He thrust back into her, moans and swears leaving her mouth as he increased his pace. Changmin’s mind wandered, searching for something to keep his mind occupied while his body went through the movements. 

_I hate this...I don’t want this…_

Changmin’s name was moaned, whined, cried, and screamed and it would have been music to his ears if only it was said by someone else. He pictured Chanhee below him, swears spilling from his lips as he was fucked into euphoric bliss. Reds and purples painting his skin as sweat glistened on his body and he gasped for air. The thought made Changmin’s head spin and body ache with desire. 

“Fuck, feels so good, _mmph_ -” She moaned into the sheets, her nails digging into Changmin’s forearms as he continued to pound into her. Sweat dripped from their bodies, the sound of heavy breathing and skin slapping echoing throughout the room. 

He could imagine toned legs wrapped around his waist and hands threaded through his hair in desperation. He wanted to imagine the feeling of two lovers chasing their relief, getting lost in the pleasure the other provided. Chanhee would be beautiful of course, lips red and swollen from messy kisses and hair mussed from grasping hands. Would Chanhee cry out in pleasure as his orgasm ripped through him? Would he grab a hold of Changmin and kiss him passionately afterward? Would he tell him he loved him?

“Enjoy it while you can,” Changmin grunted, chasing a release he didn’t know he desired. He would never say it aloud but he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying the pleasure that thrummed through his body, even if it was involuntary. Even if it took him imagining someone else. His body was reacting on its own even if his mind disagreed. It was relieving in a way, stress from the past days fading away as he chased his high. If only it was with someone else, someone who he wanted, someone who he loved.

Siyeon’s lips pulled Changmin from his thoughts, as she sloppily trailed his neck. She planted kisses along his jaw, sucking hard on spots and soothing them over. She nipped at his ear lobe and threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer as she met each of his thrusts. 

_If only you were him..._

“Dont,” He panted, eyes warning as he stared down at her. “Don’t leave any marks.”

“You’re mine, Changmin. You’ll never be anyone else’s,” Siyeon moaned in their embrace, her hips stuttering as she got lost in the bliss. “I won’t let you.”

Changmin’s thrust slowed, her words on repeat in his head. He knew this would happen, that once she had a taste she would never let go. He was foolish to believe otherwise. But he hoped and wished to be proven wrong. 

Siyeon’s legs gripped him tighter, holding him in place, refusing to let him stop. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in. He suddenly felt trapped, as if an animal in a cage. The horrible realization was too much. She would never stop. He would always be hers, kept like a prize on a shelf, untouchable by anyone except its owner. 

He couldn’t let that happen. He _wouldn’t_ let that happen. Everything he ever dreamed of seemed to be slipping away, anxiety pulsing through his skin and his body screaming to run. Memories from the train station flashed in his mind, the same feelings overwhelming him again and again. He refused for that to be his reality. 

He wanted to live his life. No one would stop that.

“You don’t own me.” Adrenaline pumped through his body, brewing together with his anxiety and pleasure to create the perfect storm. Deep in his chest, he could feel his anger festering, just waiting to burst out. 

“Of course I do,” she chuckled in disbelief as if Changmin was arguing against facts.

“No one owns me.” 

“I never knew you were such an idiot Changmin-ah.” Siyeon tried to stifle her laughter, turning her face into the pillow under her. Her laughter changed from a careless giggle into a cackling mess, her eyes prickling with tears. 

Enough. She had pulled the last straw, completely throwing it out the window without a care in the world.

Changmin turned her face towards him, dragging his hand down and to her neck to grip it tightly. She continued to laugh, eyes forming little crescents as she smiled.

“Don’t you know I like it when you grab me like this?” she sighed and placed her hand atop his. “Harder.”

_As you wish._

One would say that Changmin was a good listener, more often than not he did what was asked of him. He took no pleasure in constantly disagreeing with others, so who was he to disagree with the woman underneath him?

He wrapped both of his hands around her neck, gently applying pressure to her throat. Siyeon moaned, leaning closer to his touch, seemingly begging for more. Changmin’s eyes bore into her as he squeezed tighter, his blunt nails digging into the soft skin. He squeezed until his knuckles turned white, until it felt like he couldn’t possibly apply any more pressure without his bones ripping out of his skin.

Siyeon’s brow furrowed as his grip tightened, opening her mouth as if to tell him that he was squeezing too hard. When he didn’t let up, she thrashed underneath him, her face red as she gasped for air. Her legs kicked beside him, flailing around the sheets as she tried to break free from his grasp, her nails desperately clawing at his skin. He pinned her legs underneath his own, holding her down and refusing to let go or give up. She tried to speak, incoherent sounds fumbling from her lips as tears began to fall.

“Like it now?...No? Well, I do! You wouldn’t believe how much I like it! I’m enjoying it so much right now! It’s unbelievable!” Changmin shouted manically. Any sanity was long gone at this point, all he was seeing was red. “This is the best I’ve felt all night!” 

He gripped her tighter and tighter, her movements beginning to slow. He stayed that way for a moment, chest heaving and body shaking with adrenaline as Siyeon slowed and stilled. Changmin removed his hands from her neck, his hands cramping from how tense they were moments before. He pulled out of her, grunting from the loss. Sitting back on his heels he stared up at the ceiling, his skin burning and mind hazy as he tried to catch his breath. 

Changmin stared down, his eyes stuck on the unmoving body before him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
